What Katie Did Next – Part One
Despite her body currently housing a kicking life-size mini potential king or queen, Duchess Kate is reported to want things as normal as possible - spending her time mooching about at her palace. As ya do.
I have read lots of articles about trendy birthing techniques that could help Kate, how to choose royal names and how many nannies she might employ to cope as a working mum of three… But as she wants to be a normal every day mum-to-be, I thought I could give her some handy tips for the weeks ahead.
Facebook and sudoku
If she doesn't have a stack of those little petrol station Sudoku books on hand to stave off the boredom, she better have a lively group of Facebook mates to distract her with labour agony horror stories and polls on names. After all, who else will tell her to try pineapple, sex and curry and ask for an epidural early?
The Baby Show
Putting your feet up can be mind numbing but there's always the Baby Show. It's like spending forty four quid on half a tub of individually wrapped washing powder tablets, but walking round a conference centre for six hours collecting 'promotional gifts’ (leaflets), as you bicker together about whether you will really need a cot top changer or if a regular foam mat will do. These are essential conversations of parent-to-be plebs.
Car seat fun
She might have already sorted a car seat by now but just in case … there is all sorts of fun to be had, trying to get your mummy tummy in and out of the tiny door gap, as you faff about with car seat fittings. You have to park right outside Mothercare, if you want them to fit it for you but they often have to be ordered to come to your home address, which is totes annoying if nobody is about and you have to leave it with an unsavoury neighbour.
And if she doesn't have seven four-quid Primark button-through nighties with hearts and little sheep on next to the classy expression 'I luv ewe!', these are vital labouring and recovery wear. The black polka dot one with the fuscia bow is sure to help you look a royal beaut. Your husband will love you, even if you look like his nan during delivery. Her Maj might lend you one! See, those free Persil samples will be useful after all.
Peruse the Prince/ss Merchandise on Amazon
If she wants to treat her third-born to a suitable gift, there are many items of personalised merchandise brandishing 'princess' and 'prince' in pink and blue. And a fluffy cardboard 'Princess On Board' sign is bound to provide a special sentiment for the much-photographed journey home. Especially if Number 3 happens to be a boy. You can’t buy that kind of class.
I hope this helps, Dutchie. Check back next week for five more top tips from a fellow ‘normal’ (ish) working mum. You’re most welcome.